It’s been about 8 months since I left teaching behind and started my new ‘career’. Once again I’m thinking about change, or how to change…to do… something. I don’t want to go back to teaching. I want to move forwards, but at the moment I feel a bit stuck. My job is fine, it’s just not really full time. I mean, it technically is, but really I could be here just a few days a week and get everything done. The rest of the time I’m surfing the net, trying to look busy (which is harder than you’d think) and clock watching. There have been days which have flown by in busy periods, where I’ve even left at the end of the day with a list of tasks still to be completed. It’s merely that it doesn’t happen often. Sounds like a dream, right? But actually I was reading about boredom at work and how it can be detrimental to your health and wellbeing. I can believe it. It’s almost as though I’ve gone back to my post-Uni temp days- but not quite as terrible (as I pretty much had stapling for a job… just stapling)! Where are the inbetween jobs- ones that aren’t so stressful they have you nearing nervous breakdown, but also aren’t so mind numbingly dull and simple? To be fair, I do have challenges at work and I have learnt a lot. I do like where I am, I like the people. Yet still feel a little underwhelmed and invisible.
On a tangent- I’m not good at making friends; too shy, too introverted, too busy thinking people won’t be interested in what I have to say… Other newbies have started at work and they all go out for lunch together. I go on my own. I just don’t know how to ingratiate myself. Sometimes I like being on my own. I need to be on my own. But I’d like if people sometimes came to talk to me, like they do the others. Before you say ‘why don’t you go to them?’, I do. It’s rarely reciprocated, they have people in their office to talk to, I don’t as I’m sat on my own. Pros and cons though, pros and cons.
I was looking today at houses for sale in a completely different area to my current home town. Maybe next year I will move away and start again. Again. I’ll have 2 years experience in a different field, that should count for something. There’s the whole moving further afield from friends and family, but honestly my friends are all living in different areas anyway, they all have children keeping them busy (I have a dog, that’s all I want), so I don’t exactly see them often anyway. I don’t know what’s stopping me from taking the plunge. Perhaps the fear of feeling even more isolated, further away from loved ones. I will be married though, by then. See- I’m not that bad, someone wants to marry me! I won’t be on my own. It could be great for us, you don’t know unless you try right? I have a while to consider anyway, nothing will happen until after the wedding and my contract here is finished. Until then these personal crises will go round and round in my head until I figure out what it is I need to do.
For now, I will try to be content with all the lovely things I do have, spend time with people I love and go for long strolls with my pup in some beautiful places!